It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
