I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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