Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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