hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
