i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
