you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
