I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
