Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
