I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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