ADVERTISEMENT

• (312): View more from Illinois

  omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.

  Fav 13 1217 2125

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.

  Fav 6 1101 2078

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (310): View more from California

  I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high

  Fav 9 2684 1174

  share tweet
  

• (818): View more from California

  don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.

  Fav 24 3854 915

  share tweet
  

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.

  Fav 13 4213 1452

  share tweet
  

• (734): View more from Michigan

  A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.

  Fav 85 13436 1868

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?

  Fav 14 4980 1473

  share tweet
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY

  Fav 26 3423 1606

  share tweet
  

• (703): View more from Virginia

  He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box

  Fav 8 1213 748

  share tweet
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.

  Fav 2 408 428

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.

  Fav 1 258 185

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (620): View more from Kansas

  Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today

  Fav 4 336 92

  share tweet
  

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.

  Fav 2 120 151

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?

  Fav 0 36 15

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (859): View more from Kentucky

  saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am

  Fav 0 86 15

  share tweet
  

Randomize