I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
