Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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