Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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