I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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