There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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