Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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