I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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