he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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