I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
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I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
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How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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