Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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