her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
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