Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
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that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
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Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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