You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
