i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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