Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize