I just made out with a guy for $7.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
