Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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