You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
