the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
