After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
