He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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