She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
