I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
that's an acceptable place to lick
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
