there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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