You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
