I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
