YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
