Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
