why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
