Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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