I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
