meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
