I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
