Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
