I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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