I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
