I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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