New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
