Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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