If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
