is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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