Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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