OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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