You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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