...so i touched it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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