she woke up with a sticky ear
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
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