i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
