so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
