Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
