Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
