No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
