Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
