the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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