My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
