Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
