It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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