I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
