oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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