I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize