Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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