If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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