My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she told me i tasted like america
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
