Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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