My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
