She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
