i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
