I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
