we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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