apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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