Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The power of my boobs compel you
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
