I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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