She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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