I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
