he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
