oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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