I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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