I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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