When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
