I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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