These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
