we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
